Want your bad romance!

This lack of sleep might be killing me.

Friday night, I had to work a huge event. I mean I was up for at least 30 hours, and I would be luck if I sat down for even 3 of those hours! I didn't even stop to eat much. Had some T bell at like midnight but that was it.

Came home around 1:30 Saturday, and tried to go right to sleep. My feet hurt so bad that it took FOREVER!!!!! Then guess what, I popped awake at 9:30!!!!! FOR REAL!

So I stayed awake until around midnight when I finally gave in and took some sleeping pills. STILL stirred awake a bunch, but at least this was a deeper sleep. Woke up again around 9:30, am this time.

Then proceeded to eat half my apartment's food.

I must have needed it or something. No excuse though, just hadn't eaten and had worked my ASS off, pretty literally.

Only real good news is that I managed to see 188.8 on the scale this afternoon. First time that's happened in a month! geeze!

~Wendy

p.s. Welcome new followers! I hope I'm not disappointing you.

p.s.s. I can't decide if I should go home for easter. I'd have to drive out of state, and miss easter dinner anyways, because I have important classes on monday. Should I do it? All I'd have to worry about eating is egg whites, because I hate egg yolks, so nothing bad really. It's an 8 hour drive and and I'd only get to be home for one full day (saturday). What do you guys think? Is it worth it?

I'm sweet like....

A guy I knew in high school called me fat today.

I called him a tool first though.

So just to prove I don't care, I went and got drunk.

Booze helps me sleep anyways.

I'm almost completely back into routine. =)

I also weighed 189 this morning.

Semi-good day.

With a little luck, my back might be getting back together this summer. (We only broke up because of members moving out of state. They might be coming back though).

Also, was randomly happy (as horrible as it is) when one of my friends tried on a size 11 dress today and couldn't fit into it. I was happy only because I thought she was smaller than me, but I can wear a size 11!!!!

Still a long way to go though. MUST STAY FOCUSED!!!

~Wendy

P.S. Still can't sleep. Trying more booze tonight. By tomorrow it will be OTC sleeping pills. =( I don't like those though.

I'm having trouble trying to sleep...

Last night was my first decent night of sleep in about 4 nights. I only woke up twice during it!!!! =D

Trying super hard to think thin today. I just got back on my program so I'm not expecting miracles for the weigh in tonight. I do want to trick the scale though. They make us weigh in with our clothes on, so the trick is to wear light clothing. I have to be less than 193.2

I will not except another gain on that scale, off the wagon or not.

Right now I'm in the area of 190. Gonna make sure it stays that way.

I'm taking the control again!

Breakfast today was Milk and Cereal.

Lunch was Sugar free chocolate jello pudding(60), and Light String cheese (50).

Don't know what/ when I'm doing dinner. Plus I have work. Weigh in is at 10pm. (WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE TO BE SOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOO LATE!!! I'm gonna be like 10X heavier! =/ )

Hopefully I'll check back in later.

I need help, serious serious help.

~Wendy

Give me that Filet of Fish, Give me that fish!

Not doing so well.

Never have found my way back onto the wagon. Been wanting to, but have been too complacent.

Does anyone else have that? It's like I will randomly just be FINE for a few days, not happy, but fine. Not hating anything.

but without hate, I have no motivation.......



Then there is days like today. Where someone (Will) manages to piss me off and I suddenly notice that I have food in my hand.

It confuses me that it happens too. I'm not one of those people that normally takes comfort in food. It fact, I normally don't eat at all when I'm upset.

I don't even want to see my weigh in this week.

BAck to the story though....

Will has me all confused and pissed off again. Me and Will get along fine most days but he seems to have the ability to send me to extreme mood swings and fast! He's even beating John for that ability. I'm just glad that I'm not like Izzie and dating him. At least I can escape.

But I digress, Will has me annoyed and pissed, and I find a sugar free Jell-o pudding cup in my hand (60). It's not finished. Maybe a quarter of the way.

I'm fighting the urge to finish it in one bite.......



FUCK.....

Okay, it just got put in the garbage unfinished.

I'm back on the plan starting now. Going to go drink my booze and watch a movie. I would skip the booze, but I need it to sleep.

My insomnia is back.

I feel half awake.

Where did my life go?

Why can't I love anybody?

Why am I so cold?

Why am I so fat?

...

I know the answer to the last one at least.

Because I EAT!!!!

~Wendy

I just can't get you out of my head....

So what's been up since I've been gone?

My computer caught a nasty virus last week, and although I am pretty computer savvy myself, I actually had to go get the techs to take this one off.

But I'm back!!!!

With good-ish and bad-ish news.

Good news is that I weigh 189.5!!!

The bad news is that after going on a 5 mile hike with Will last week, I really messed up my foot. Like, super messed up couldn't even walk on it barley for a few days.

It's doing better now, but still not to par. I can't go see a doctor about it either because I don't have A) Health insurance or B) Money. =(

So I'm just trying to stay off the gym equipment until is stops hurting (I think it's a tendon issue here and that can be NASTY!). I don't really want to risk just doing it anyways, because I once had a sprain that took 6 months to heal! That was with me following doctor's orders.

I'm friggin mad though, because I have another competition weigh in on Monday and I can't even manage to get to the friggin gym.

My diet hasn't been to good either. Not gonna help with St. Patties day tomorrow. I'm Irish as hell and it's just not happening. So the plan is Thursday morning, to go and get RIGHT back on track. No excuses!!! You can hold me to it. Not "gaining" weight is not an excuse to eat like I have been. So there!

I hope everyone else has been doing well! See you around.

~Wendy

Backtrack and do it again...

Hello everybody!

I hope you all are doing well! I'm back and have a miracle to report!

So it's true facts that when you travel (and especially when you change altitudes!) you will get all bloated and weigh more.

So I got back late last night, and our weight had to be reported by midnight =/ Since I didn't get here until 11:30 I basically had to walk in and step right on the scale.

So first miracle happens! I was at home all weekend, drinking and eating out almost every meal (I'm serious there was one that was made at home!). So coming back I was dead convince that there was no way in hell the scale would say less than 198 when I got home.

With all the traveling bloat, the scale said 193.2!!!! Holy geeze!

So I emailed our captain my results, and said that I was sorry for the technical gain, but I had been traveling and stepped right on the scale.

The response I got back was "You should just blame it on spring break. That's what the rest of us did!"

@.@

Really???

1) How the hell much did the rest of the team gain????
and
2) So you clearly don't believe me on the traveling thing, huh?


But here's the thing, an hour later after I had sat down for awhile and adjusted, I weighed myself again and was 191.8

Clearly I was just a fat ass over break though right????

jgfhjdsjhfudstbsdfdsja!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now for miracle number 2!

I get up and weigh myself this morning, and I weighed 189.8!!!

Plus like another hour later (or right now) I got back on it, and I weighed 189.4!!!

I'm still friggin losing water bloat! The weirdest part of this is, as of right now (and my weight still hasn't "settled" I weigh less than when I left! Even though I still feel amazingly bloated =/

Well, guess I'm going to keep hitting the gym then.

I have 3 days that I can use it before I have to leave state and head home again this weekend. I will hopefully get a weigh-in in on Friday before work then!

Wow is it weird to be back again.

Anyone else experienced this???

~Wendy

There's no surf in Colorado anyway...

Hey guys, thanks so much for the comments.

This is just me checking in again to say that I won't be on for a few days (and thus no weigh in). I have a family emergency that is forcing me to head home for a few days. Don't worry, it's nothing horrible. It just requires my presence.

I'm scared though because my eating still isn't in check right now. It's not Horrible binging by any means. I'd be will to guess I'm damn lucky if I'm making 1500 calories a day. It doesn't help though, that it's solidifying that stupid 190!

At least I don't need to wear a bathing suit now. =/

It's my mom's birthday while I'm home, and with that and everything else that's going on, I doubt I'm going to get my food in check this weekend.

Normally I'd just let it go, and probably get myself back on track this next week. (un)Fortunately for me I have the biggest loser weigh in on Monday. If I'm going for the most lost, then I have to get down NOW!

Sooooo at least I have an elliptical at home, I haven't missed a gym workout this week so far, and I want to keep that up at home. I hope it goes well!

Wish me luck. I really hope I'm not still a fat cow when I come back! =/

~Wendy

P.S. This also means that I'm going to be seeing John earlier than expected. I was so hoping to have broken 180 when I next saw him, now I would be happy to just be in the 180s!!! (This mornings weigh in was 190.2, but with clothes on so take that as you will.)

Thing's I'll never say...

Lesson learned, I MUST write everyday!

I'm sorry I've been gone. I really haven't been. All my stats were updated on Sunday, I just didn't post. I weighed 186 on Sunday! =D

I haven't had anything to say. Just one of those moods you know? Problem with not writing is, I let my self slip on little things. It's horrible. I HAVE NOT been sticking to my diet at all!

I never thought I had problems with being alone. It's Spring Break this week, and I'm on of 2 of us left in town right now. I honestly don't know what it is, but ever since everyone left, I've been making random trips to the kitchen. Like all the fucking time!!!! =(

I didn't even go to the gym this weekend (I did yesterday though, that counts for something, right?). I'm about 190 lbs, but barley. That's sugar coating it, but fuck I dunno what to do.

I have to be in a swim suit this weekend! Which is what I was going to tell you guys Sunday. My weigh in is moved to Friday for the next 2 weigh ins because of the fact that I'm going out of town both of them. FML!!!!

I need to be skinny. Can I just get back to 186????? PLease?????

ROAR!!!

~Wendy