Don't stop baby!

I'm still not sure what to do with this. =/

It's kind of like coming home to a ghost town. There are a few people here and there, but so many people just dropped off the map! Of course, I'm not one to speak because I was one of them.

I've been awake for a few hours now and I still haven't left my room. The only reason to leave, is to go downstairs and eat. My stomach is growling, and truth be told, if there was ANYTHING even remotely appealing in my cupboards, I'd be down there eating it.

I still can't decide if being so broke I don't own food is a good thing or a bad thing? (P.S. The reason I'm so broke is that I had to leave that amazing new job I had found. Yeah, and basically can't find another job at all now, so the dollars are running a bit low)

Downstairs there is a half a cup of rice, 2 boxes of chicken soup (the kind with just noodles), Crackers with peanut butter, saltines, and one box of chicken flavored rice.

That is literally ALL I have. The really bad part is, all I want to eat right now is like a cup of fruit, or a spinach salad (I might be pretty iron deficient at the moment). That's not even bad food to want is it???

Stupid food, always the depressing part of my life. I actually had really good news at school, yesterday =D I'd love to share it, but I'm not even telling people in real life, yet! Let's just say that it left a HUGE smile on my face though!!!! =D

Now to talk about my weight.

Weighed myself yesterday all proper like at 189.5lbs! I find this good news because it means I'm below the dreaded 190 mark! Fuck you 190! At the same time this feel like bad news, because it's been almost 3 months since I've been active in this blog, and I'm still fighting the same damn mark!

Then logic kicks in.

Logic tells me that since I kinda fell off the wagon a bit, I should be damn happy that I didn't gain weight in those 3 months. I should be happy to have stayed the same! But hell, I lost 4 lbs! That's pretty damn good, right? I mean that in the I'm not a complete failure, right?

I want to jump right back on the plan again, but I hesitate. Part of that is because of the new guy (still not ready to give lots of details). See he really does seem to like me for the way I am. In fact he tells me often how he loves the confidence I have (I'm a good liar, no?). He isn't one of those judgmental assholes, and yeah, again, not fully ready to talk about it.

Basic point here is that I REALLY wouldn't want to screw this up because of stupid shit. Should I just stay away from the plan then? Should I make a new one? Should I only stick to the plan when I'm by myself, and just be watchful when I'm not? He already knows I eat less then him normally, and doesn't seem to even mind. I don't want to fuck this up!

But hell, let's be real. I've kind of been involuntarily thrown back onto the plan anyways! Have you seen my cupboards????

I'm just hungry.

and I love and hate it all at once.

~Wendy