I'm awesome.....

Reason to be Skinny #13:

Blood sugar problems stand a good chance of disappearing!


I'll hope you'll excuse me for being so touch and go this past week. It's finals week at my Uni. To top it off, I also started my new Job yesterday.

Feel free to NOT read this post if you don't like bitching.

Please excuse me as I whine and rant a little bit in this post. It is out of character for me, but I'm getting a little pissed off.

I'm having serious sleep issues this entire last semester. I can't STAY asleep for an entire night to save my life. Put it this way, a good night is if I only wake up twice. On a bad night, I'll remember waking up as many as 18-20 times.

Imagine if you had someone poke you awake even 10 times in a night going "Hey, Hey..." Then you ask "what?" and they say "Never mind, go back to sleep!"

No imagine that every night for a week.

So yes, I'm a little cranky, I think you would be too!

I'm a very level headed person most days. I can read my emotions to a tee, and I don't overreact about ANYTHING. The worst part about letting my emotions get the best of me is that I KNOW that they are, and I KNOW that it's not a big deal, and I KNOW that I'm not really upset.... but I can NOT stop it from happening.

When I'm tired, my emotions go haywire, and I can't stop them. But see, since I know they are out of whack, I won't express them AT ALL. So rather than throwing a temper tantrum because things aren't going my way, or actually yelling at the person who has me looking for a shiv, I just hold that shit inside until my body physically feels like it's gone on an adrenaline hormone induced roller coaster. Not the good kind either, more of the kind that you get off all pissed off because you just waited for 2 hours to go on THAT shitty 30 second ride!

But I digress.

It's finals week, I'm stressed.

Stress exacerbates my sleeping issues.

Being tired AND stressed exacerbates my blood sugar problem.

My blood sugar problem exacerbates my hormones making me irritable and moody.

Being a nervous wreck exacerbates my stress level.

Plus, it's still finals week, and I'm still failing a class.


Vicious circle?


I'm tired cranky and upset (if you hadn't noticed).

My blood sugar being so fucked up dictates that I HAVE to eat.

My being upset dictates that I have no appetite, and really can't stomach to eat.

So I'm off the diet pop for two reasons, (1) artificial sweeteners have in the past shown to make my mood swings worse, and (2) the sugar and calorie content will at least keep me out of a coma, despite not being able to level off my blood sugar.

I've managed to eat about a days worth of real food (my day NOT theirs) in the last 3.

Oh, and to touch up on the last post, I don't actually keep junk food in my house. I honestly hate it. Not potato chips, no sweets, no... junk. Those tortilla chips I mentioned are the worst thing I have IN the house (I bought them for when Nicole came to visit) and I haven't touched them since I last mentioned them....

I went to a hockey party the other day. I ate 2 chicken wings, and felt so guilty and disgusted that I didn't eat anything til the next afternoon. Ate some carrot sticks the other night, then went of a binge drinking spree that caused me to puke them all up. (6 pack in 2 hours NOT a good life choice). Why was a drinking?

That was the most solid 5 hours of sleep I've had in the last 2 weeks.

My mom says that my sleep would fix itself if I was more active.

I told her that I run every day, and that I work a very physical job, and that I walk almost EVERYWHERE I go.

She said that maybe I should run harder. You know, REALLY tire myself out.

.... because clearly I am not tired enough yet. -_-



Moral of the story is: I'm a fucking wreck.


~Wendy

P.S. Did I mention extreme stress has never NOT made me gain weight? Guess who has a weigh in first thing in the morning.... oh right. =(